I believe a foundational principle of our purpose is a desire for acceptance.
Think of just how torturous that can be. Whether consciously or deep down, we as human beings truly crave acceptance so fucking badly. It’s justification for our existence, and it allows us to feel part of something larger than ourselves. From the biggest of us to the smallest, we aim to be desired by the greater collective, or even sometimes, just one person.
These efforts can lead to the most damaging of all damning indictments we place upon ourselves: the compromising of our authenticity.
I was first introduced to the writings of famed essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson last summer. Emerson’s passages cycle through my brain as puzzles, each one more complex than the other, but upon solution, pure enlightenment. On days where I end up on deep YouTube wormholes about animatronic pizza place rock bands from the 1980s or diving into why Walt Disney in fact had *very little* to do with the modern presentation of the Carousel of Progress, it’s refreshing to actually challenge my brain to something of substance.
So I’ve spent much of the last year in a deep dive of his material, and often find myself struck by philosophies that still resonate almost two centuries later. The other night, I came across the following quote from one of his premiere works, Self-Reliance. He states:
“Be yourself; no base imitator of another, but your best self. There is something which you can do better than another. Listen to the inward voice and bravely obey that. Do the things at which you are great, not what you were never made for.”
Here, within this text, is a plea that struck me. It reads in desperation from one voice to another, begging for realization and understanding of oneself.
It urges for authenticity.
There is a beauty, Emerson advocates, in nonconformity. The authority within ourselves is something we must command, and not give way to others simply in order to be included. Find the special something that makes you you, and don’t try to be something or someone you’re not.
This is all wonderful in theory. In practice, it is much more difficult.
The social stigmas that surround us leave us questioning whether or not our authentic selves are worthy of acknowledgment. Sometimes, they dictate we bury our true being. Other times, we do that to ourselves. In the coming months, we’ll enter a world where being your most authentic could result in legitimate personal and societal consequences.
And that, while a repulsive reflection of who we are, will be a new reality for many.
But who has ever truly lived without daring to be something more? How will we ever know what is actually out there for us if we don’t step beyond who and what we are told to be?
It has gutted me over the years to see significant others, friends, and family suppress their authenticity. They fall short of their aspirations, reel in their dreams, and never fully live within their own skin. It’s upsetting when it happens to you. It’s devastating when it happens to others you love.
I’ve had my authenticity rejected on more occasions than I care to admit to myself over the years. My face. My hair. My nose. My quirks. My passions. They’ve all been less than to others.
Yet they do not belong to others. They are unique to only me, while your chemical makeup is unique to you. And damn’t, do they wish they could be you.
So let me echo Emerson’s plea. Keep doing those YouTube wormhole deep dives. Be weird. Be inquisitive. Be courageous. Be your best. Be all of you.
Be your most authentic self.
Because let me tell you. When they built you, they broke the mold.